5 Secrets to a Great Sex Life with Emotional Intelligence

By: Logan Cohen, Professional Therapist & Online Life Coach

It might not surprise you, but lack of satisfaction in sex life is one of the most common complaints AND worries in long-term relationships. Whether individuals feel that their sexual needs are not being met, or whether they WORRY that this will be a REAL PROBLEM in their THEIR relationship, yet are afraid to ask, are very common these days - and for good reason.

When People feel like "that spark is lost", they often make the mistake of assuming that the solutions are PHYSICAL.

As a Relationship Therapist, our Founder commonly gets referrals for couples who are sent by the male partner's Urologist when he goes to their clinic and requests "erection pills" like Viagra or Cialis. The first question their Doctor asks is, "what does your partner think?," And if the answer is, "my Partner doesn't know I'm here," then the couple is first sent to see our Founder for couples therapy.

In terms of the levels of excitement in a romantic relationship going down over time, this is only NORMAL and in many ways, to be EXPECTED.

The initial phases of a romantic relationship are INTENSE (called the "honeymoon phase") because when Lovers are with each other, our Brain releases a powerful chemical called "Dopamine". Dopamine makes our Body "feel good" and is the most active chemical involved in addiction to cocaine & methamphetamine.

Over the first seven years of partnership, the levels of Dopamine released in the Brain DECREASES BY 10% EACH YEAR. This means that the level of MIND-NUMBING EXCITEMENT we experience by spending time with our sexual partner will DECREASE BY MORE THAN HALF within the first 7 years of partnership! Have you heard of that old saying about "the 7 year itch", or the tendency for couples to break up after 7 years of a committed relationship? This is often WHY!

Unless each Partner in a relationship learns to access a FULL & BALANCED Emotional Intelligence, it is impossible to keep "the spark" alive, along with a great sex life. Would you like to know how to have a great sex life, improve the trust & intimacy in your romantic relationship, as well as improve the health & life satisfaction of BOTH Partners? If so, you are reading the right article.

5 Secrets to a Great Sex Life with Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence makes for a great sex life because it requires vulnerability, which is courageous. And courage - is SEXY.

You know when there is an attractive Person that is not comfortable in their own skin?

Even when the Person is otherwise physically attractive, an obvious level of insecurity sends the message that “something is WRONG with me - even if you can’t see it.”

This might be expressed with lack of eye contact, or being reluctant to share honest thoughts and feelings, but Human Beings are pretty good at “sensing” when something does not add up here...

By increasing our Emotional Intelligence, we are able to express our thoughts and feelings together clearly in a way that shares personal meaning.

When we learn how to access a full range of Emotional Intelligence, we look like a complete Human Being to potential mates who are actually looking for a REAL connection, not some Person putting on a show for an audience.

People who are looking for an audience will be drawn to “Performers” who are NOT operating from an authentic position of Personal Integrity, and instead, are looking for some “type” that will temporarily resolve pain from an old wound.

If you are looking for REAL connection that will set off a GREAT sex life where each Partner is free to explore their True Selves, a full range of Emotional Intelligence will be important.

5 Secrets to a Great Sex Life with Emotional Intelligence

Increases ability to ask for sexual needs to be met.

Unless we have access to our Emotional Intelligence, we cannot have access to our true wants, needs, and desires. People have a HUGE range of sexual desires - from sexual acts, to sexual orientation, to fetishes - and unless we know what makes US “tick”, then it is almost impossible to meet our authentic needs.

By learning more about how WE experience certain emotions and how to use these feelings to guide our decision making about our desires, we can have the opportunity to make those requests and help our sexual partner meet our needs WITH us.

Yes, these skills are important to learn if you want to have a great sex life, but they ALSO will help you speak up for needs to be met in other areas of Life as well. By staying attuned to our Emotional Intelligence, we can use these emotional experiences as a moment-to-moment guide for our Life’s Purpose.

And when we surround Self with Loved Ones who are doing the SAME, we can ALL be a force to be reckoned with TOGETHER - as Human Beings are designed.

5 Secrets to a Great Sex Life with Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence creates intimacy, which has all the makings for a great sex life

When we are able to access our Emotional Intelligence, this helps us remain more aware of the needs of other People around us - including Loved Ones, Friends, and even business associates. When we have this information, we can choose to act on it in a way that can make for a great sex life with our Lover.

The more we know what our Lover wants, the more we can make sure we meet their needs in the bedroom. The more our Lovers’ sexual needs are met, the more they are going to want to help OUR needs be met too - ALL of the makings for a great sex life!

This makes it more likely that our Partner will agree to consider sexual requests that are outside of the usual routine, whether this is a new sex position, role play, or even bringing in an outside Partner.

If you want to unlock a great sex life with your Partner, it’s time to seek beyond the physical and put the work into developing a full range of Emotional Intelligence.

5 Secrets to a Great Sex Life with Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence makes for a great sex life because there is less fighting, which means less resentment.

I mean, are you more likely to have a great sex life with someone who you feel is doing you WRONG? Of COURSE not!

The more we help our Partner experience us as safe and reliable, the easier it is for them to speak up for their own needs. And the more we can meet the needs of our Partner on an ongoing basis, the less likely they are to build up resentment towards us.

We are NOT saying that a romantic relationship should never include conflict! Conflict is important every now and again, to clarify needs, boundaries, and expectations, while FIGHTING is when either one or both Partners is actively trying to hurt their Partner. While we need conflict to clarify things every now and again, fighting is generally unproductive and harmful to the relationship over time.

By accessing a full range of Emotional Intelligence, it is easier & more productive to navigate conflict with other People in a way that decreases the desire to fight, clarify wants and needs, and in the end helps the Personal Integrity of all involved to be met.

Once our sexual partner knows we are looking out for their Personal Integrity in order to SHARE a sense of Life’s Purpose WITH them, we can expect a GREAT sex life to take off from there.

5 Secrets to a Great Sex Life with Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence makes for a great sex life because there is excitement from the risk involved in freedom of self expression.

This one catches a lot of People off guard at first...

We are taught to expect that excitement is something that leaves a relationship over time and that there is not much we can do about it. This is certainly a possibility, but it does NOT have to be that way!

Our Founder is a licensed therapist and relationship expert who often finds it helps to explain this initially by using an example of couples who have open relationships.

Believe it or not, a research study completed by the Journal of Human Sexuality shows that couples who are “swingers” actually have the highest levels of relationship satisfaction when compared to any other couples.