Emotional Intelligence for Setting Healthy Boundaries with Loved Ones

By: Logan Cohen, Online Life Coach & Professional Therapist - Balanced Man Plan

If you are reading this article, then you are ready for setting healthy boundaries with Loved Ones. We only get so much time in this life, so why would you want to spend it with People who are disrespectful towards you, or just do not know what you want/need in life to be happy? And ESPECIALLY with the People we spend the most time with?

It is REALLY easy these days to get stuck in arguments with our Loved Ones as everybody deals with the fast pace of Modern Society and lately - current events have been TENSE on top of that!

Would you like to know how to get through tense conversations in your relationships - AND have your Personal Integrity - all in one piece?

That old saying that, "We teach others how to each us," is SO true and it is NEVER too late to, "teach an old dog new tricks...", that is unless you are talking about a Female lover in which case, make sure you NEVER read that out loud around them EVER!

If you are like us and want to ENJOY the time you have with your most important Friends & Family, then you are in the right place.

The Online Life Coaching For Men offered by the Balanced Man Plan is designed to help you protect your Personal Integrity AND important relationships with Loved Ones at the SAME TIME.

The key to finding your own natural balance is about creating what Psychologists call "Emotional Intelligence."

Emotional Intelligence (otherwise known as "EQ") is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, and diffuse conflict.

When we have a full range of EQ, we can use our emotions as information to guide our decision-making in daily life ("trust your gut") that will meet our own Personal Integrity ("bottom line"), as well as that of our Friends and Loved Ones. This is what we mean by "Healthy Boundaries" - general expectations about what is OK - or not OK with us - so that everybody can get what they need and nobody has to be resentful!

When we are able to do this effectively, we get to be our True Self in meaningful relationships - creating a strong foundation of BALANCE at our Core. Due to the importance of Emotional Intelligence in managing our over-all balance, the Self-Guided Coaching Plan for Emotional Intelligence is one of five Core Areas of Balance in our Balanced Man Plan. We can't have you flying blind out there in your daily life!

If you would like to work on your Emotional Intelligence with a bit more focus after reading this article, you can do so here.

As important as our relationships with Friends & Family are, we ALSO have to balance these needs for meaningful connection to Loved Ones with our OWN Personal Integrity.

If we don't make sure this happens, then we allow ourselves to "get swept up" in someone/thing else's agenda, and risk acting in a way that creates resentment towards Self and/or Loved Ones - setting up each Person in the relationship to lose trust and grow apart in the long run.

When we do the work to develop a full range of Emotional Intelligence for setting healthy boundaries with Loved Ones, everything can get flowing in the right direction. Are you ready to protect yourself and Loved Ones at the SAME TIME? Let's do it then -

Emotional Intelligence for Setting Healthy Boundaries With Loved Ones

#1 Way to Increase Emotional Intelligence for setting healthy boundaries with Loved Ones- STAY CALM

This is the first and probably most important skill when it comes to setting healthy boundaries with Loved Ones using Emotional Intelligence. When a conflict starts, the tension goes up, and eventually things can get HEATED.

When this happens, it is natural to feel your heart-rate & breathing rate increase - whether it is about the topic specifically or the Loved One involved.

And when YOU are feeling tense in an argument, chances are that the OTHER Person is as well! Again, this is only natural and we should expect People to mirror (or "reflect") our emotional states back to us, especially in those closer relationships because we are naturally more "emotionally attuned" to our Loved Ones.

If we fail to stay calm, then we run the risk of getting into a "cycle of complementary escalation" - where both parties "one up" each other with volume, tone, and rate of speech until before you know it - there is LITERALLY a yelling match!

For these reasons, it is ESSENTIAL that you learn to STAY - CALM...If you want to learn how to stop arguing with Loved Ones and keep your Personal Integrity at the same time, it is very important that this does NOT get any more heated than it has to be.

Would you like some helpful tips and tricks borrowed directly from our Emotional Intelligence Self-Guided Coaching Plan?

1) Keep Breathing Steady - When we monitor our breath and learn how to regulate our breathing, this stimulates our "parasympathetic nervous system" that keeps us more calm, regulated, and thinking rationally - rather than getting stuck in REACTIVITY. Learn more about this here

2) Self Talk - If you have worked through the Emotional Intelligence Self Guided Coaching Plan already, then you KNOW what a "game changer" "self talk" can be. Whether we realize it or not, ALL of us are speaking to ourselves in our own Mind through the day. When speaking to yourself to stay calm, remind yourself internally of your own "Core Values" as well as the nature of this important relationship.

Learn more about this here

3) Self-Visualization - Once the other Person gets tense and you can feel yourself follow their lead towards tension, it is sometimes helpful to pick something in your immediate visual field to "ground yourself." One of my personal tricks in this moment is to pick out a feature on the Speaker's face (a freckle, mole, whatever) and just focus on THAT. This will allow you to "check out" enough from what they are saying and look for one of the exits that will be described below. Learn more about this technique here

Emotional Intelligence for Setting Healthy Boundaries With Loved Ones

#2 Way to Increase Emotional Intelligence for setting healthy boundaries with Loved Ones- - DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY

I know this is a lot easier said then done - especially when this happens with a Loved One. It would be great if we ALWAYS agreed with our Loved Ones, but that is just not realistic. And sometimes the things that come out of our Loved One's mouth might be surprising - even HURTFUL!

When this happens, it is important to stay focused on those "Core Values".

Is it worth taking this situation more personally and escalating into a fight?

Or would you rather figure out what is happening on a deeper level with your Loved One and maybe be able to use that for creating healthy boundaries?