By: Logan Cohen, Professional Therapist & Online Life Coach - Founder of Balanced Man Plan Online Life Coaching for Men
Have you heard the phrase “thinking error?" This is a phrase borrowed from Cognitive Behavior Therapy that is used to describe faulty patterns of thinking that are self-defeating.
A thinking error happens when the things you are thinking do not match up with reality. This is sometimes also referred to as a ‘“cognitive distortion” and as you might guess, People who commit thinking errors often don't even realize they are doing so!
There are a LOT of competing demands in the daily life of Men in Modern Society and a lot can happen VERY quickly because our World is now a global community.
Whether this looks like the transmission of a virus across the Globe on a 24 hour airplane flight or the evolution of social practices over time to match the needs of Modern Society as we transition from the Old World, it is essential to stay aware of those changes. The Health & Happiness of Self & Loved Ones depends on it.
After over a decade in the field as a professional therapist & online life coach working with Men through life transitions, our founder Logan Cohen has seen many different versions of these thinking errors - however there a few that seem to pop up over and OVER again - getting Men stuck in these almost certain traps...unless you know what you are looking for.
Would like to learn about the 3 most common thinking errors for Men? As well as how to avoid these common thinking errors so you & Loved Ones can find your own natural balance for personal growth together? Below you will find the 3 most common thinking errors for Men:
3 Most Common Thinking Errors for Men
#1 Most Common Thinking Error for Men - Tribalism
Even though it is no longer “the norm” for Men to be the “first line of defense” as a Hunter/Warrior for Loved Ones as we were in the Old World, there is still a LOT of pressure for our ability to be “good Providers” and “Tough Protectors.” There is certainly a time and place for going to war against a threat and/or “taking care of business”, but Modern Society is much more complicated than the Old World.
In the Old World (only 200 years ago) - almost EVERYBODY lived in isolated farming communities - each regulated by their own highly structured way of Life (also known as “culture”) that created rules, guidelines, and expectations for how daily life would flow.
These rules were VERY IMPORTANT because if they were not followed, the community would be “off balance” and risked failure to continue a bloodline, loss of property, failed farming attempts that created famine, disease, and MORE! In summary, it was VERY important that everyone followed the rules and anybody who looked/acted/sounded different was seen as THREATENING to order/safety of basic needs for the community.
While there are many potential strengths in our basic social programming as Human Beings, one of the common thinking errors here is that People who are seen as “outsiders” from our familiar worldview are naturally “Othered” - assumed to be VERY different and therefore scary due to the potential of threat to Self & Loved Ones.
This natural part of Tribalism was helpful when Humans lived in isolated farming communities and had to quickly recognize outsiders, but now that we have a Global Community where information & Beings can circle The World as fast as the push of a button - or only a 24 hour international flight in the case of a virus or pathogen.
The two most common reactions for People when are stuck in this common thinking error is a feeling of Fear and/or Disgust - even Anger at this other Human Being. From this position, it is all too easy to see this other Human Being as SO threatening to personal safety/security that we see the “other side” as objects rather than Human Beings worthy of basic respect.
This is a basic phenomenon of social psychology & sociology - reflecting a natural process of Human thinking for BOTH Men & Women based on evolutionary pressure through millions of years of our ancestors. When we layer on the additional social & cultural pressure for Men from the Old World - where many remnants of that Old World culture & traditions from the Hunter/Warrior live on in the behavior expectations for Men in Modern Society, things can get dangerous QUICKLY.
In some ways, we can see how this easily creates a BOMB - just WAITING to go off!
The more Boys are taught the Traditional Manhood ways to “be tough”, as evidenced by keeping pain/fear to Self, or “be independent” as evidenced by not asking for help, the more Men get into trouble as Adults when it comes to our own healthy balance and personal relationships with Loved Ones.
The more Men are taught how to experience a FULL range of Emotional Intelligence - complete with vulnerable emotions like fear and pain openly with Loved Ones while accepting unconditional love & support, the less of a barrier this common thinking error becomes.
If you would like to learn more about how to harness the Power of our Tribal nature as Human Beings for the balance of yourself or Loved Ones, we recommend you consider our Self-Guided Coaching Plans for Family Life, Friendship, or Life’s Purpose.
3 Most Common Thinking Errors for Men
#2 Most Common Thinking Error for Men - Success = Happiness
Many Boys are taught by Traditional Manhood that competition with others - rather than gradual & focused self improvement - is the most important marker of success, which is the key to “Happiness”.
This is reinforced in many ways by the consumer culture of Modern Society - where Big Business throws clever marketing at us ALL DAY in order to convince us that buying their products will finally create the happiness we need - even DESERVE - for Self & Loved Ones.
When this gets combined with those Old World values of Hunter/Warrior, Boys are taught that “proving self on the hunt” until our Loved Ones are “fat & happy” is The American Dream. It is not hard to see why it is more common for Men to work compulsively (“Workaholism”), as well as develop addictions to drugs and alcohol because they do not know any other way to SLOW DOWN.
All together, this common thinking error sets Men up to expect that personal success and happiness is something we find outside/externally, rather than inside/internally.
When we learn how to ground Self in our OWN Life’s Purpose - a potent combo of Passions & Skills guided by our Personal Integrity (“Core Values”) - we can mindfully and intentionally weave this Purpose into the daily life shared with Loved Ones to create REAL Personal Meaning. From here, the sky's the limit (even though Human Beings don’t have wings).
You can learn more about how Life’s Purpose works together to create balance with our Self Identity & Professional/Financial Life - or NOT - in those Self-Guided Coaching Plans for Men.
3 Most Common Thinking Errors for Men
#3 Most Common Thinking Error for Men - Not In Men's "Nature" To Be Emotional
This is actually a VERY common social & cultural myth - again largely from those combinations found in Traditional Manhood. The Hunter/Provider role left over from the Old World demanded that Men were stoic, willing to use violence as a means to an end, and NEVER openly acknowledged pain or fear. While these rules make for fierce Warriors & Hunters, they also create the 3rd common thinking error for Men.
First, let’s take a minute to be very clear that there are some very obvious biological differences between Men & Women. Some have to do with sexual organs and some have to do with our physical build for POWER as the Primary Hunters/Warriors in our Community/Tribe, however NEITHER of these mean that Men are “naturally less social”.
In fact, Men are JUST as capable as Women when it comes to creating deep social/emotional bonds with Loved Ones and while we might be physically built to primarily Provide/Protect, we are emotionally built to connect - just like female Human Beings.
There are many studies that show a present and attuned Father support not only the health & wellness of the Partner & Children, but ALSO HIS OWN. This clearly shows that an ability to stay connected with our Loved Ones in meaningful relationships is very important in Modern Society.
When Men learn to break through the limits of Traditional Manhood by connecting to Loved Ones with a FULL range of Emotional Intelligence, we can create Healthy Boundaries for balanced relationships over time with plenty of room for BOTH partners to experiment with leaving their “comfort zone” to grow.
This requires freedom of True Self AND a mindful focus on those important connections with Loved Ones to meet Love & Belonging Needs - at the SAME time.
To learn more about breaking free from this common thinking error that keeps Men stuck, we recommend you check out our Self-Guided Coaching Plans for Emotional Intelligence, Life’s Purpose, Sex & Intimacy, and Family.
There are so many beautiful, wonderful, STRONG parts of being a Man while at the same time, many of the rules and expectations from the Old World play a BIG part in what keeps Men STUCK when it comes to making healthy decisions to create natural balance for Self & Loved Ones in Modern Society.
There is no need to “throw the baby out with the bathwater” - so they say, so let’s figure out what pieces work for your OWN natural balance, while also assessing what might need to be re-tooled, or gotten rid of altogether.
My name is Logan Cohen and I am a Professional Therapist & Life Coach with over 10 years in the field of Counseling Psychology. I am a Clinical Supervisor for the American Association of Marriage & Family Therapy, as well as the founder of New Leaf Counseling Group, LLC in Charlotte, NC. After spending tens of thousands of clinical hours with my own clients, starting a successful group practice, as well as a beautiful Family, I “picked my head up from the grindstone” to check in on childhood Friends & Loved Ones.
I painfully discovered that more than a few of my childhood Friends passed away at a young age from preventable health conditions and decided that as a Man, Husband, Father, and Friend, I could no longer stand by as People suffered in silence and self-destruct rather than ask for help. It DOESN'T have to be like that and the natural healing methods offered by the Balanced Man Plan are designed to help People “get unstuck” and break free from old patterns that are the barriers between Self & quality of Life.
The Balanced Man Plan is a therapeutic digital experience delivered through Self-Guided Coaching Plans created by a Male Therapist with the common barriers & strengths of Men in mind. The Balanced Man Plan has the goal of introducing a natural Balance back into Life so it is sustainable for the optimal Health & Well-Being of Self and Loved Ones - and ALL from the privacy and comfort of Home.
If you have enjoyed what you see so far, check out our Self Guided Coaching Plans!