Updated: Mar 1, 2020
By: Logan Cohen, Professional Therapist & Online Life Coach
There is a lot of talk out there about the “Law of Attraction” these days - but what is it? A quick Google search of, “What is the law of attraction”, will yield results about the power of mind over reality – that if you think hard enough about something, then eventually it will become a reality. This approach really appeals to the “positive psychology” crowd ("just stay positive!") as well as the Religious/Spiritual crowd (miracles are a thing!), which isn’t a bad thing as long as it is helpful. But if it isn’t reliable information – if you are not able to replicate the results in other settings (reinforced by Science), then how will it actually help?
If we look at this as it stands – that reality will change because of what we think – the "law of attraction" is complete - and utter - CRAP.
I know – if I lob out a statement like that about such a popular approach to thinking about difficult circumstances, then I had better be ready to back it up – and that’s the plan.
Before I developed The Balanced Man Plan to offer online life coaching for men, I practiced in counseling psychology for over 10 years in both private practice and community mental health settings. After spending tens of thousands of hours in the field between spending time with clients directly, developing therapeutic curriculum for implementation with my staff, or training young therapists, I can safely say that when it comes to the field of Counseling Psychology and supporting community members through rebuilding their Lives from shambles – this is my “wheelhouse”.
This is all I have ever done professionally and all I have ever wanted to do. If you would like to read more about my history as a professional in mental health, feel free to read more about that here, or learn more about the group counseling practice that I founded in Charlotte, NC.
Would you prefer a 5 Minute Video to Summarize the answers to "What is the Law of Attraction?" that can also provide some insight into what you can expect from our online life coaching? Watch the video below:
For the sake of this article, I want to help you see what you can glean from this question, “What is the law of attraction?” While I know as a Professional Therapist & Online Life Coach that the concept of the law of attraction as it stands is malarkey, but what if I told you that We do approach Life on a consistent basis in such a way that does "attract and maintain" certain types of energy, People, and situations to Us?
While the predominant voices and money-makers around The Law of Attraction would tell you it is “just about thinking hard enough and persistently enough”, I agree with you that SITTING AROUND AND THINKING REALLY HARD ABOUT CHANGE UNTIL IT "MANIFESTS" IS ABSURD.
Now - the “best” Life for each Person is going to be a bit different depending on each Person’s unique needs. And in the end, there could be a large degree of variation between each of us because it’s about our own unique Balance. I could say something about the originality of everybody and like snowflakes, there is nobody out there like you – but I’ll spare you. It’s nice to feel good, but this is also about practical and real solutions, so I won’t spend too much on this "uniqueness" concept.
OK - are you ready to get to the answers behind that question of, "What is the Law of Attraction?" I am going to break this down in a way that borrows a bit from Dr. Brene Brown in her work with the interaction between Healthy Boundaries, Personal Integrity, and Compassion. Like most essential concepts that make up the therapeutic programming of online life coaching for men that is The Balanced Man Plan, there are only 2-3 fundamental concepts to remember.
Life is complicated enough and this is about making Life less complicated, a lot more in Balance, and therefore making it work with you at every level possible.
Dr. Brene Brown talks about the concept of “Healthy Boundaries” in a way that is a very simple Balance between two concepts of “generosity” and “integrity”. In this context, generosity can be defined as, “how giving we can be with our personal resources in order to take care of Others”, which essential feels good for both parties. While on the other hand, “integrity” refers to, “how much of our personal resources do we require for our own consumption in order to preserve Ourselves?”
In this way, you can see that there is a dynamic tension always in play between generosity and integrity – we are constantly assessing what we need in order to preserve self (integrity), while also maintain an expectation of our being a “team player” – willing to do for Others and worthy of our place in the Tribe (generosity). In a nutshell, this creates the working definition for “Healthy Boundaries”, and shed light on how they might vary from Person to Person and to some degree, from day to day.
When we know what we stand for, who is important to us, and how we plan to prioritize those factors - it can be said that our Boundaries are Healthy and officially “Balanced” in that they are arranged deliberately in a way that sustains said arrangement optimally with their environments’ expectations.
The words sound nice, don’t they? We get to meet our personal integrity, all the while being generous with those around us – hmmmm…what's the catch? Well, I can tell you that while the words sound “feel good” and “straight-forward”, it will probably not be as easy as it sounds day-to-day.
The tricky aspects of this dynamic really come into focus when those around us – our acquaintances, colleagues, Bosses, and even Friends and Loved Ones - have different ideas about what our personal integrity should be or how generous we should be with them regarding our own personal resources (time, money, affection). Is this dynamic tension in the real life answers to what is the Law of Attraction becoming a bit more clear?
How often does someone around you have a different idea than you about what should happen with your resources? How often do you make decisions about what you should do with your own Life while feeling guilty, scared, ashamed - even ANGRY about what is going on around you?
These are all signs that when it comes to the real answers behind, “What is the Law of Attraction?” - the way you are Living your Life is out of Balance. But no fear - you are in the right place, as our online life coaching for men is designed to bring Balance back to your Life from the privacy and comfort of Home.
This can be difficult to explain through conceptual description, so I am going to use some REAL LIFE examples from my clinical work and maybe even my own Life to describe these concepts (no identifying information and ‘aliases’ of COURSE).
While I also encourage you to watch the video at the beginning of this article for a 5 minute summary because as they say, “A picture is worth a thousand words”, here are some practical Life examples to answer the question, “What is the Law of Attraction?”:
#1 Practical Life Example of “What is the Law of Attraction?”- Self Care
As Men, we are assigned the primary role of “protectors” for our Families and our Communities, yet our life expectancy has dropped in recent years and this is due in large part to the horrible job we are taught to do of taking care of Ourselves. How can we protect Others if we cannot protect Self??
When we know what we need to preserve ourselves – Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, and even Spiritually – and even more when we know how to keep it in BALANCE with Healthy Boundaries between Self & Others, this is what the “Law of Attraction” can actually be.
Now, this involves a lot more than sitting and focusing – even meditating intensely on it. While you might be able to utilize pieces of this in self-visualization techniques to assist in "emotional regulation", they are just "pieces of the puzzle". This collection of skill-sets is something you can expect to gain from therapeutic programming and online life coaching for men offered by The Balanced Man Plan. We want to help you take care of Others, however we also want you to keep your own cup flowing so that you can continue to be that fundamental part of your Tribe that you want to be.
#2 Practical Life Example of “What is the Law of Attraction?” Romantic Life
Have you ever noticed that People tend to be attracted to certain types of People? Maybe you have even picked up on this tendency for yourself. If so, No worries – this is totally normal. What most People don’t realize is how they are doing this and what they can do to change it if need be.
Quite frankly, if I found myself in repeated situations where I was treated poorly by jerks in Romantic Relationships and was told that I, “should just focus on being nice,” I would have a “jerky impulse” to punch them in the face.
You think I hadn’t thought of that? Many times, People are mystified by who seems to be attracted to them, while they have a hard time identifying what kind of qualities they want or need in a romantic relationship themselves! While romance is a beautiful thing and sex is incredibly fun, neither are usually fun or even Healthy in the long run if they are not also in Balance.
When it comes to keeping your romantic relationship in Balance, you can expect an arsenal of skill-sets from The Balanced Man Plan from communication skills to connection and everything in between. Our therapeutic programming is geared towards helping you attract and maintain the right type of romantic style so that you can maintain Balance with your Loved One.
#3 Practical Life Example of “What is the Law of Attraction?” Nuclear Family Life
Oh Family…we only have one…and for many of us that’s a good thing [cue anxious laughter]. There was a Family Therapist in the late 1960s named Murray Bowen was credited with saying, “If you ever think that you have gotten over all of your shit – go spend a week with your Family.” As they say, Families put the “fun” in “dysfunction”, and the above joke is a favorite of mine with clients as a professional Family Therapist during the Holidays.
While some People do have a blissfully harmonious Family Life where they grew up, most of us did not. Personally, I will own my experiences in the first camp of family dysfunction that you can read more about in this article.
For the sake of this article, we are going to help you deal with the practical aspects of healthy boundary setting when the dynamic tension between our generosity and personal integrity would have been unsustainable and out of Balance. One clear example that all of us can identify with regardless of how idyllic our childhood was is described in the field of Psychology as “Launching”. Launching is when – as a baby bird leaves the nest – a young Adult comes of age and is expected to take care of themselves more independently without the support of Parents.
I cannot attest to the animal world of birds, but do you remember what your house felt like when you were 17 and 18 years old before you “launched”? I felt like a damn bullet coming out of the barrel of a gun and couldn’t get out of there fast enough!
I have learned as a professional family therapist and online life coach that this is pretty “par for the course” for teenagers for the same reason that this universal Life Experience makes a good example for when integrity and generosity are out of Balance for both the nuclear Family and the Teen. It would be common for the teen to be more than ready to “leave the roost” and more than willing to take on the added responsibility in order to make that happen. At the same time, the nuclear Family members are simultaneously ready for the Teen to have their own space, as they are literally getting eaten out of House and Home.
While this is a normal experience for teenagers to some degree, there tend to be various aspects of Family Life for many of us that are not as ideal when it comes time to leave. Sometimes there are Family members who have become so reliant on us for meeting their own needs that they don’t want us to leave when we have come of Age – whether they realize it or not. This is referred to as enmeshment in nuclear Families and when this happens, we are prone to trading our integrity for more assumed generosity and later - seeking out a romantic relationship that will recreate a similar overlap of integrity. These relationships are oftentimes referred to as “co-dependent”.
There are also cases of an opposite dynamic - where our nuclear families are actively pushing us out so strongly that if we were not mistaken, it would feel like outright rejection. In fact for some of us, it might have even been just that. This type of family dynamic is characterized by avoiding generosity in order to preserve our integrity and is referred to as “Emotionally Detached” in Family Therapy literature.
The interpersonal dynamics and skill-sets in this type of Family Culture sets an individual up for seeking romantic relationships characterized by the same “emotionally detached” dynamic.
Interestingly enough however – the outcomes of both of these opposite tendencies have a SIMILAR result! They both result in each individual avoiding necessary confrontation that should be part of each Partners’ active growth. The co-dependent couples will avoid the confrontation due to their preference to preserve the Others’ thoughts/feelings – and the emotionally avoidant couples will avoid the confrontation because nobody is truly showing up to begin with. As you can see, it is a lot more dynamic than some quick answer about focused meditation to the questions of, “What is the law of attraction?”
The online life coaching for men offered by The Balanced Man Plan id designed by a seasoned Licensed marriage and Family Therapist to enhance your unique Romantic relationship with skill-sets that will allow you to make the most of your Love Life so you can both grow within it.
#4 Practical Life Example of “What is the Law of Attraction?” - Extended Family Life
I am always baffled when I hear People say, “I can’t believe they would say that! After all the things I have done for them over the years? Why would they think that is OK??” Oftentimes my response internally is, “Well who told them exactly what was expected?” I ask myself this question internally because I know the timing is not right quite yet to be asked aloud. If they are asking me this question, there is more validation and understanding that must be shared before I can help them consider where the course went off-path realistically.
I have been working professionally with relationships for many years and because of this very specialized experience and resulting knowledge base, I know that the likelihood of these terms being outlined clearly at an earlier date are probably very low.
I know this to be true predominantly because when the above happens, People usually come correct about the bigger issues when “the rubber meets the road”. And to a second degree, someone who has the self-awareness, foresight, and reliable skill-sets to actively negotiate these types of interpersonal terms usually don’t need a professional Family Therapist to come in and help People speak openly about what they want and need respectfully and fairly. These Families usually just “duke it out” more passionately and openly – and just deal with it more directly.
Needless to say, these are not commonly practiced skill-sets among family members and if we find Ourselves in the above type of situation, then it is probably of a more recurrent theme. At this point, if sitting around and hoping that things will be different would have worked, then that would have worked by now.
Whether it is about setting reasonable limits with the in-laws or figuring out how to navigate a blended family after divorce or re-marriage and not being able to “call the shots” like we might have been accustomed to as a Parent, The Balanced Man Plan is designed to help you find a healthy Balance in all of your Family relationships.
#5 Practical Life Example of “What is the Law of Attraction?” Professional Life
We spend more time at work than ever before. It is common these days that we are expected to complete professional tasks after the traditional work day has come to a close, or even on the weekends. Whether this is because corporate culture has begun to infiltrate the personal Lives of its Workers, or because the Modern Professional is a bit of a “workaholic”, or a combination of several variables, Americans are working too much these days.
As a professional therapist and online life coach who works with many high functioning professionals in one of the top 20 largest urban areas in the Country, I can tell you that the modern American Professional is all but working themselves to the bone.
And while corporations are poised for continuing to take more and more of the profit margin for themselves, the everyday market continues to experience inflation that demands more of those meager financial resources of the everyday household to be pushed to its limits.
Recently, it became evident just how far this particular dynamic has been stressed in modern times and you can read more about that here. We realized this more overtly as the government experienced a record-long shut-down recently and many Americans could afford to go without a paycheck for ONE MONTH.
Between American culture and modern economics, many Americans have a lack of Balance with their professional lives, while meanwhile their own financial health does not reflect that. Our online life coaching for men is designed to help you develop the skill-sets and knowledge to ensure that you are prioritizing your professional life in a way that also helps you maintain the personal integrity of everything else you might need for Yourself and Loved Ones
#6 Practical Life Example of “What is the Law of Attraction?” Social
Much like romantic relationships, you have probably noticed that we tend to attract a certain type of social affiliate as well. Whether you want to call this “birds of a feather flock together” or not, the realistic answers to the question of “What is the law of attraction,” is again more complicated than just thinking about nice people a lot, then hoping you are surrounded by a reliable and fun social group.
Surprisingly enough - as more tools are created for "connection", the issue of loneliness is turning into a more significant problem for those in more densely urban areas – and especially Millennials (link here).
It can be really hard to find and keep the right Friends for a lot of different reasons and at the end of the day, a good Friend is priceless. The Balanced Man Plan incorporates interpersonal skills training and a knowledge building curriculum designed to support the user in learning what it takes to maintain Healthy and Balanced social relationships from a professional therapist and online life coach. We also offer online forums for users to access space for mutual feedback and support with each other.
Not only does it take a village to raise a child, but it takes a village to do just about anything worthwhile with Human Beings. We are capable of enormous impact on this planet, but only when we are all acting together.
Would you like to develop a social support network that helps you Balance the demands of your own Life, wile also giving you another meaningful space to be who you really are?
Between these real-life examples and the brief video lesson earlier on this article, I hope this has shed some light on how we all get to interact with our World on a daily basis that reinforces what/who is attracted to us and what stays in our Life.
So, what do you want to adopt in your own Life that can serve to attract and maintain itself with sustainability? Well this is where the concept of Balance comes into play through the curriculum of online life coaching for men offered by the Balanced Man Plan.
We want to help you do what you can – where you can – and all from the comfort and privacy of your Home. There are so many natural solutions available, but the “powers that be” would prefer that you continue to play by their rules as you continue to pump your hard-earned resources into the money-making machine that is the American healthcare system. While sometimes medication is appropriate, even necessary, there are a lot of other more natural approaches that can help you regain control of your own Life in a way that works for you.
My name is Logan Cohen and I am a Professional Therapist & Life Coach with over 10 years in the field of Counseling Psychology. I am a Clinical Supervisor for the American Association of Marriage & Family Therapy, as well as the founder of New Leaf Counseling Group, LLC in Charlotte, NC. After spending tens of thousands of clinical hours with my own clients, starting a successful group practice, as well as a beautiful Family, I “picked my head up from the grindstone” to check in on childhood Friends & Loved Ones.
I painfully discovered that more than a few of my childhood Friends passed away at a young age from preventable health conditions and decided that as a Man, Husband, Father, and Friend, I could no longer stand by as People suffered in silence and self-destructed rather than ask for help. It doesn’t have to be like that and the holistic healing methods offered by the Balanced Man Plan is designed to help People “get unstuck” and break free from old patterns that are the barriers between Self & quality of Life.
The Balanced Man Plan is a therapeutic digital experience delivered through Self-Guided Coaching Plans created by a Male Therapist with the common barriers & strengths of Men in mind. The Balanced Man Plan has the goal of introducing a natural Balance back to Life so it is sustainable for the optimal Health & Well-Being of Self and Loved Ones - and ALL from the privacy and comfort of Home. If you have enjoyed what you see so far, check out our Self Guided Coaching Plans!